I think i may have serious issues
Have you ever thought how, no matter how much you seem to try to change an aspect of yourself that you hate, you always keep falling on the same mistakes?
Lately, I've been finding myself in a situation in which i want to believe that i'm committed to fixing the things i hate about myself, yet even though i try i keep making the same mistakes and it's gotten to the point where i can't take it very well. I'm also talking about something i addressed in an earlier entry, which is a tendency of mine to be a complete scatterbrain and forget simple, yet important things constantly. The last three weeks i've had several instances of it happening and after today (in which it happened again) i'm seriously starting to get worried and i don't really know what i should do about it...
Sometimes when i'm doing something, simple like showering, organizing things, trying to keep everything in order, etc. I always seem to keep forgetting about something. Which ultimately ends up screwing me over in the long run and it's been very problematic. Two weeks ago i forgot my computer charger at college so i had to go all the way back there (2 hour trip) to retrieve it... ) and this week i nearly forgot it YET AGAIN but luckily returned to the classroom the moment two dudes had found it and told me they would've sold it. Today i forgot other important things when i was leaving the house to go to college and i got in trouble with the house keeper (rightfully so) for doing so since i left a window open and the main door open apparently. Which is seriously concern me on how the fuck this stuff keeps happening. I've putting notes on thing and it seems to have worked a tiny bit but clearly not enough.. it feels like the thought of that important thing that i should do just keeps disappearing out of my head out of nowhere. It's very, very frustrating.
If i keep this up i could literally even get kicked out of the place i'm living in and even though i thought i was being careful, i don't know what i keep doing that keeps making my stupid self continue again and again to be such a scatterbrain and i'm sick of it.
The scariest part is that, this coupled with other couple of mental issues i've mentioned before has returned a few seriously scary thoughts back into my mind. And, i'm not going to beat around the bush here because that'd be pointless.. Yes, it was suicide.
I really don't want anyone to read this to go into panic mode but if you are reading this, i haven't reached that point. But i am saying that i know what i thought about and whenever i do, it frightens me... And it frightens me a lot. I feel like my tendency to be so terrible at remembering things, ultimately affecting other people summed up with the amount of money my family is spending (basically out of nowhere) for me to be here almost made me reason that maybe if i wasn't here, it wouldn't be a problem anymore.
Which is a fucking stupid idea.
I'm genuinely scared that i even thought of that... But i still did.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
Lately, I've been finding myself in a situation in which i want to believe that i'm committed to fixing the things i hate about myself, yet even though i try i keep making the same mistakes and it's gotten to the point where i can't take it very well. I'm also talking about something i addressed in an earlier entry, which is a tendency of mine to be a complete scatterbrain and forget simple, yet important things constantly. The last three weeks i've had several instances of it happening and after today (in which it happened again) i'm seriously starting to get worried and i don't really know what i should do about it...
Sometimes when i'm doing something, simple like showering, organizing things, trying to keep everything in order, etc. I always seem to keep forgetting about something. Which ultimately ends up screwing me over in the long run and it's been very problematic. Two weeks ago i forgot my computer charger at college so i had to go all the way back there (2 hour trip) to retrieve it... ) and this week i nearly forgot it YET AGAIN but luckily returned to the classroom the moment two dudes had found it and told me they would've sold it. Today i forgot other important things when i was leaving the house to go to college and i got in trouble with the house keeper (rightfully so) for doing so since i left a window open and the main door open apparently. Which is seriously concern me on how the fuck this stuff keeps happening. I've putting notes on thing and it seems to have worked a tiny bit but clearly not enough.. it feels like the thought of that important thing that i should do just keeps disappearing out of my head out of nowhere. It's very, very frustrating.
If i keep this up i could literally even get kicked out of the place i'm living in and even though i thought i was being careful, i don't know what i keep doing that keeps making my stupid self continue again and again to be such a scatterbrain and i'm sick of it.
The scariest part is that, this coupled with other couple of mental issues i've mentioned before has returned a few seriously scary thoughts back into my mind. And, i'm not going to beat around the bush here because that'd be pointless.. Yes, it was suicide.
I really don't want anyone to read this to go into panic mode but if you are reading this, i haven't reached that point. But i am saying that i know what i thought about and whenever i do, it frightens me... And it frightens me a lot. I feel like my tendency to be so terrible at remembering things, ultimately affecting other people summed up with the amount of money my family is spending (basically out of nowhere) for me to be here almost made me reason that maybe if i wasn't here, it wouldn't be a problem anymore.
Which is a fucking stupid idea.
I'm genuinely scared that i even thought of that... But i still did.
I don't know what is wrong with me.
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